*NOTICE: I started this blog with a clear idea in mind but it kind of switches by the end. This may or may not have been influenced by my intent to include song lyrics.*
What is love (baby don’t hurt me)? According to Hagar, it is her relationship with Milkman. Her love for Milkman is so all consuming that she can’t imagine living without him, and when he decides to leave her, she refuses to accept it. Hagar’s attempts to kill him is to prevent him from leaving her and ruining her chance at love. This bad romance (Rah rah ah-ah-ah!) is certainly inspired by Milkman’s poor decisions, but I think there’s more to Hagar’s love that makes this whole relationship more complex.
At first, Hagar is the one with control over Milkman. When that control is gone, she becomes dependent on Milkman. Especially considering the times and the common standard that women should marry young, it is easy to understand why Hagar places so much importance on Milkman. Yet, we already know Milkman is incapable of recognizing this due to his selfish nature and inability to empathize with other people. It seems Hagar might remain a single lady (so you better put a ring on it) forever. While her violent reaction to this is definitely not okay, her inability to actually kill Milkman suggests that Hagar is almost incapable of killing him due to her love for him.
Personally, I don’t find Hagar a sympathetic character. Trying to kill someone for breaking up with you is just outrageous but I can see why some might find her in that light. Yes, Milkman is dumb. There’s no getting around that, but Hagar has the potential to be strong. Yet, somehow she has transformed her love into this all consuming thing that is entirely selfish and doesn’t actually help her. There’s no way this relationship is going to work out well in the end and it will only lead to someone’s death. Instead, she should focus on getting her own sexy back (take him to the bridge) and move on.
Anyway, going back to the complexity of this relationship, the love Hagar has for Milkman is definite. It’s something that is directly tied between Hagar and Milkman. Meanwhile, if we examine Ruth and Milkman, there is a distinct difference in their relationship. While there is definitely selfish intent in Ruth’s love for Milkman, she loves him more for what he represents. To her, Milkman is a symbol for power over her husband and the last time she experienced passion. This contrasts sharply with Hagar’s love in the sense that Ruth only cares for the idea of Milkman. You could argue whether she actually loves Milkman the person but I won’t go into that. What’s more important is the common theme between Ruth and Hagar is that both love Milkman so much that it distracts them from focusing on themselves. At this point, there are only two options: Milkman mans up and works it out with both women OR Hagar and Ruth can be like N’Snyc and say “Bye, bye, bye”.