*NOTICE: I started this blog with a clear idea in mind but it kind of switches by the end. This may or may not have been influenced by my intent to include song lyrics.*
What is love (baby don’t hurt me)? According to Hagar, it is her relationship with Milkman. Her love for Milkman is so all consuming that she can’t imagine living without him, and when he decides to leave her, she refuses to accept it. Hagar’s attempts to kill him is to prevent him from leaving her and ruining her chance at love. This bad romance (Rah rah ah-ah-ah!) is certainly inspired by Milkman’s poor decisions, but I think there’s more to Hagar’s love that makes this whole relationship more complex.
At first, Hagar is the one with control over Milkman. When that control is gone, she becomes dependent on Milkman. Especially considering the times and the common standard that women should marry young, it is easy to understand why Hagar places so much importance on Milkman. Yet, we already know Milkman is incapable of recognizing this due to his selfish nature and inability to empathize with other people. It seems Hagar might remain a single lady (so you better put a ring on it) forever. While her violent reaction to this is definitely not okay, her inability to actually kill Milkman suggests that Hagar is almost incapable of killing him due to her love for him.
Personally, I don’t find Hagar a sympathetic character. Trying to kill someone for breaking up with you is just outrageous but I can see why some might find her in that light. Yes, Milkman is dumb. There’s no getting around that, but Hagar has the potential to be strong. Yet, somehow she has transformed her love into this all consuming thing that is entirely selfish and doesn’t actually help her. There’s no way this relationship is going to work out well in the end and it will only lead to someone’s death. Instead, she should focus on getting her own sexy back (take him to the bridge) and move on.
Anyway, going back to the complexity of this relationship, the love Hagar has for Milkman is definite. It’s something that is directly tied between Hagar and Milkman. Meanwhile, if we examine Ruth and Milkman, there is a distinct difference in their relationship. While there is definitely selfish intent in Ruth’s love for Milkman, she loves him more for what he represents. To her, Milkman is a symbol for power over her husband and the last time she experienced passion. This contrasts sharply with Hagar’s love in the sense that Ruth only cares for the idea of Milkman. You could argue whether she actually loves Milkman the person but I won’t go into that. What’s more important is the common theme between Ruth and Hagar is that both love Milkman so much that it distracts them from focusing on themselves. At this point, there are only two options: Milkman mans up and works it out with both women OR Hagar and Ruth can be like N’Snyc and say “Bye, bye, bye”.
I think you are quite right when you are describing the relationship between Hagar and Milkman. When Hagar loses control of the relationship she does not know what to do. And it was her strong passion for the control over Milkman, like many other characters have, that led to her attempts to gain back control by killing him.
ReplyDeleteHagar definitely lets her relationship, or lack thereof, with Milkman consume her life. In the chapter we read for last night, we see Hagar so caught up in trying to make Milkman love her, that she finally dies. She desperately tries to change her appearance to make Milkman come around. Hagar loves Milkman so much that she pushes away everyone else in her life who loves her. When Hagar tells Pilate and Reba she needs to buy new clothes, they sell one of the only things of value they seem to have and cater to her every whim, while Hagar does not even thank them and only thinks of how her new appearance could win Milkman back. Before Hagar even goes shopping, Pilate and Reba shower her with gifts to try to drag her out of her lethargic haze, with virtually no response from Hagar. Guitar phrases her unhealthy obsession with Milkman very well when he tells her "Your turning your whole life over to him". She has spent the majority of her life being with or wanting Milkman, so she eventually defines herself by him and her sense of herself crumbles with out him, and she finally dies trying to win him back.
ReplyDeleteI think Hagar is supposed to be depicted as weak. Whether or not we find her sympathetic, she was not strong enough to handle Milkman leaving her. I honestly don't know if Milkman is capable is being in a healthy romantic relationship; I don't mean to say that he is a bad guy, but I don't know if he can handle that kind of a relationship. I think Morrison is trying to make a point by creating a character (Milkman) who is loved in such extremes by other characters (Ruth and Hagar) but who doesn't return that depth of love. I do see Ruth as possibly having some ulterior motives for her love for Milkman, as you said. And I agree that Hagar seems to love Milkman just because she loves him, not because of what he represents. While we can draw many parallels between Ruth and Hagar, it's important to notice their differences, as you did.
ReplyDeleteIf Hagar is "weak," it's strongly implied that Milkman is partly to blame. Is she an inherently weak person, or did she simply start to believe that there was something significant between them, given their MANY years together, and the sudden withdrawal of Milkman's affections comes as a total shock to her system? We don't see enough of her before this break to say. But for me the question of sympathy doesn't entail approving of her actions at all: but I find Pilate's efforts to save her life, and especially her grief at her "baby girl's" funeral, particularly compelling, and my sympathies follow Pilate's here. Hagar is like collateral damage in Milkman's quest for identity--in some ways an even more tragic story than the legendary Ryna. We assume Solomon didn't leave her a "thank-you" note and a wad of bills when he flew away.
ReplyDeleteY'know, I was completely baffled by the shift in Hagar's character and fortitude (or lackthereof) after Milkman sent her that letter. I guess I definitely expected the passionate anger, but the implication that Hagar would suddenly become weak, and fall the way she did? No doubt Milkman handled that situation poorly, but I had always seen Hagar as sort of a strong character, and it was terrifying to see such a drastic change in her.
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